The Respect Dare Wrap Up: Respecting His Efforts

This week’s dare reminded me of some time that I spent with some elders early in our marriage. I remember complaining about how my husband mopped the floor. The elders stopped me dead in my tracks and told me to say nothing to him about it. They explained that if I wanted to continue to receive his help that I would have to respect his efforts. Over the years he has become very good at mopping the floor and takes great pride in it. I wonder what would have happened if I had not taken the advice of those wise women.

I have unfortunately witnessed the opposite with some former friends and associates with their husbands. Instead of allowing the husband to try his best to complete the task, the wife always took over or told him how to do it “better.” It did not occur to me at the time that their actions did not communicate respect. I just knew that I felt uncomfortable and imagined the husband did also.

Most husbands love to be affirmed for their efforts. It is almost as if we are their measuring stick to see how well they did. Have you ever noticed that when you sincerely compliment your husband or publicly praise him that you begin to see an increase in that area? Our husbands love compliments and praise just as much as wives. They want to be noticed for their efforts.

I wish that I could say that I always took the advice of the wise women that talked to me about respecting my husband’s efforts but I didn’t.  I remember one Mother’s Day, my husband decided to make me a wonderful Sunday dinner. He was very excited to do this special thing for me because our two youngest children were both under five years old at the time. The food was less than great but he made the effort. I can’t remember if I said anything that day but I do remember sharing with others about the greens that were half washed and the tasteless macaroni and cheese in front of him.

I embarrassed him and was totally disrespectful. It was a long time before he attempted to make another large meal like that again. Honestly, I am not Martha Stewart in the kitchen either but my husband never cracked jokes like I did. I would have stopped trying to get better and learn recipes if he had done the same. In retrospect I wished that I had applied the same principle that the wise women shared with me in the beginning of my marriage.

I have learned the value of respecting his efforts and appreciate Nina Roesner for adding this concept to the book. This week I was reminded to look for opportunities to publicly praise my husband rather than publicly humiliate him for his efforts (even if I thought it was innocent). My husband doesn’t mind cooking a major dinner and actually experiments with flavors, now. He has his own special dishes that no one else can make and I certainly appreciate the effort after a long week. I choose to publicly praise my husband and respect his efforts.

I dare you to publicly praise your husband’s efforts.

Winning at marriage one moment at a time!

To get more information about the Respect Dare click here.